yes

by now i think it’s clear
there isn’t much for us here
a friendship i thought we shared
has been starved
all you wanted was attention
but were too lazy to find the time
to reciprocate mine
i am happy that you found a new direction
but don’t look back
i won’t be there

Thought for the day – why do we hold back our true thoughts and feelings?

Why do we not tell others about our feelings towards them?

Are we afraid? Scared of how they might react?

Are we waiting until the “right moment” only to watch that moment pass by and find that you were too late?

Time only moves forward… there is no pause, no rewind and no “trailer” to see what is going to happen in the future…

On the other end of the spectrum, with conflict… why, especially with family and extended family, why do we tend to try to “appease” everyone — not rock the boat… Why withhold the truth, talk differently to them then to others, and not say what we really feel? Why create a false reality?

Just a thought…. carry on…

“Manliness consists not in bluff, bravado or lordliness. It consists in daring to do the right and facing consequences whether it is in matters social, political or other. It consists in deeds, not in words.” ~ Gandhi

Something that has been bothering me a little is how wimpy males, especially young males, have become over the last decade or so. Blame it on whatever you want – I don’t know the real reason. Is it the schools? Parenting? Television? Perhaps – I have reasons to believe all three play a part in different ways… but that is not the point of this post.

Disclaimer: I am writing this towards the end of the day and I am fairly tired – so if things don’t track well, I am sorry…

I am going to talk about myself for a bit – many on my Facebook, Twitter and just normal blog readers don’t know me too well or have incomplete impressions.

Alrighty – I am nearing 23, which is young but I hate being discounted due to my age. I’ve been blessed to grow up with a wide variety of experiences – they have all affected me in one way or another – some positive, some negative – but they all count. I hear quite often “Dude, you have it easy…” – bull! My life has been anything but easy. You know how I got to where I am? By working hard. By taking the path less traveled. I took risks. I asked questions. I fell down and got right back up again. I failed, I succeeded. I laughed, I cried. There are things I that I know that I can’t share with people. Things I’ve said, things I haven’t said – regrets. I’ve always worked hard in life – maybe not in everything (like chores) – but I always wanted to do my best. However, a few years ago things changed when my Dad left. He gave up. Took the path most traveled and left the rest of us to bring the ship into port. I had to step up and do more than I had to in the past. Yard maintenance I had never done before. Home repairs that were always taken care before. Thankfully with my time in Scouting and my job I had at the City – I gained skills with tools, etc that helped me through many of these tasks. I also was able to call on friends and neighbors when it went over my head. But stuff got done. Wires were run, fans installed, sinks replaced, pipes fixed, doors installed and lights were hung. To some – these tasks are no big deal. You’re right, they aren’t. To others, they would be met with complaint after complaint. They wouldn’t get done, they would be done poorly, or they be done by someone else. Their TV, their social life or their recreational life are more important.  I can’t even keep track of how many times I was invited to do something fun and I had to say no. Sorry, I have to work on the house or the yard… Would I have rather seen a movie with friends? Yes – but sometimes duty calls.

Protection… a man protects those that he cares for. Many people ask me why I like guns so much. Am I a terrorist? Do I want to kill people? Do I have issues?  Well… depends on who you talk to I like guns because they are a blast! – I am a man, I enjoy blowing stuff up! They also take patience and skill – that is always worth practicing. But above all of that – I am preparing myself. Nobody knows what the next hour holds. When you walk into the Starbucks to get your morning fix of Pumpkin Spice and steamed milk with 3 shots of espresso – do you know for sure that nobody is going to try to rob you? Kill you? Take the whole store hostage? Times are tough, people are on edge – it only takes something small to set someone off… how can you be sure that you won’t be harmed? Of course everyone dies at some point – some very young, some very old – but what if you don’t die. What if you are paralyzed and you can’t take care of your family anymore? I train with weapons so that I can protect those that I care about. I take classes and read books so that when something happens I am ready. Would I protect any person I see in trouble? No – the world of civil suits have made that risky. But if you are a close friend or family member – there would be no hesitation. “You might die!” – the real question is, could I live with myself knowing that I had the ability to save someone and did not? Sure it would be easy to hide or escape out a back door… but could I live with that? No.

I carry a knife to be prepared. I was told a story about two people, they were in their car on Marine Drive – a deer ran across the road and they swerved and crashed into the Columbia River Slough. Passerby’s called 911 and one brave man jumped down and tried to get the men out – but could not due to the seatbelt. By the time paramedics got there it was too late. Both men had died.  Had the man that jumped into the slough had a knife he could have cut the belts and saved the men. After hearing that story from a firearm instructor, I have carried a knife everywhere. There is video I saw on CNN – a car crash in a neighborhood- one of the cars caught on fire with a few people still inside. Other drivers get out and are running all around – calling 911 and just screaming. Nobody knows what to do. One man – gets there, takes off his jacket to help dampen the flames and is working on getting the victims out of the burning car. He yells back “YOU! Grab that hose from that house and bring it here” the person replied “That is someone’s house? Can I take it?” the man yells back “Who cares! People are burning to death in here – give me the @#$%# hose!” – they cross into this yard and turn on the garden hose and are able to suppress the flames enough to buy the victims time until the fire department showed up. When everyone else was paralyzed and could not figure out what to do – one man remained calm and took a risk and took control to save complete strangers. What would you have done? Police and fire are minutes away and seconds count.

I’ve seen some guys that put the “tough guy” façade up front – belittling others, talking trash – making people think that they are tough. They aren’t tough – they are weak. They are likely afraid…. They buy large trucks (but don’t get them dirty), get tattoos, etc so they look tough. But when the crap hits the fan – they will scatter like cockroaches or go down first.

Is a man just brute force? Is he just Jack Bauer? No – he is also kind, considerate, loving and caring. A walk down the beach, hand-in-hand is just as enjoyable as blowing up 20lbs of Tannerite (not suggested!). A stormy night in cuddled up on the couch, by the fire, with a warm drink…  Even if he doesn’t show it – he is listening. He knows what you like and don’t like and then, when you least expect it – he surprises you with a meaningful gift, a bouquet of flowers or a trip to the beach. It’s not the size of the gift, but the thought that counts. Yes – the same man that can hike for a week straight, the same man that loves the smell of gun powder, the same man that gets excited for new tools – he also gets excited when his phone beeps and he sees that it is a new text message from you. Worried that the caring man is a wimp and has no strength? For some guys that is true – but men can switch from rugged to romantic and back again… While some males only seek to score, others, real men, seek something more.

I heard this on a video once and immediately wrote it down:

he takes my hand and we walk

out into the uncertain

out into the unknown

but walking

always walking

in the direction of our dreams

I talk and he listens

talk about nothing

talk about everything

talk until the whole world makes sense again

and just like that

just by taking my hand

he’s always been able to make the world make sense again

As I go back and read this over it might sound like I am talking myself up – selling myself. No! I am not trying to do that. I am as far from perfect as East is from West – but everyday I try to do my best and always try to improve myself. New skills (I want to try fishing… and not at the trout farm), new confidence, new experiences… building blocks of life that I can look back on in 30 years and not be ashamed.

So what is the point of this? More than anything this is just a rant… I see emasculated “males” and “guys” who put on the “bad guy/tough guy” façade everyday and it just drives me nuts. At times when things don’t go how I had hoped these people seem to float through life… but then I remind myself – I am only 23, I’ve got time. When I look back I will be proud of what I’ve done.

And then something I found online that I liked:

Guys spend all their money tricking out their Honda Civic. Men save their money and buy a Ferrari.

Guys watch sports on TV and dream about being in the game. Men play sports and revel being in the game.

Guys obsess over their facial hair, spending hours getting that goatee or soul patch just right. Men fear no razor, but when they choose to be bearded, mustachioed or just plain scruffy, they wear it with pride.

Guys spend time agonizing over what pickup line to use on a girl and whether they should ask to buy her a drink. Men walk up and introduce themselves, with a drink in their hand.

Guys spend Saturdays working on their fantasy football teams. Men build something.

Guys look for the easy way. Men find the best way.

Guys go to the gym to try to pick up chicks. Men go to the gym to improve themselves so women will come to them.

Guys say “I can’t”. Men say “It’s already done”.

Guys name parts of their anatomy. Men don’t.

Guys used to be boys. Men were always men, they were just called young men.

Guys get a tattoo because it’s cool and trendy. Men get a tattoo to commemorate their brothers lost in battle.

Guys get drunk. Men drink.

Guys pay child support. Men raise families.

Guys hear sound bytes about issues from news snippets and ape whatever they hear. Men form opinions based on research into the issues at hand.

Guys have a job. Men have a career.

Guys go to Hollister and Abercrombie and Fitch to buy the latest $100 ripped jeans so they can blend in with their friends. Men wear Levi’s, in style for 140 years.

Guys show up for work late, slack off, whine and mope all day. Men show up on time and work from the minute they walk in to the moment they clock out, and go home with a sense of accomplishment.

Guys have girlfriends. Men have relationships

Guys hold a door for a lady to try and score brownie points. Men hold a door for a lady because it’s polite and respectful.

Guys accept that something is impossible. Men do the impossible, every damn day